Your emotions are valid, your behavior is not.

How do we let each emotion take charge of our actions when we weren't taught how to?

Have you ever been told to suppress your feelings as a child, so you wouldn’t bother anyone? Was that feeling joy or sadness? And if so, witch one can you express naturally now, without any guilt or embarrassment?

Emotions of Inside Out (Image: Disney/Pixar)

If we look at our emotions as little characters controlling our actions, like in the movie Inside Out, it’s easier to give voice to each one of them, and understand that they are all valid and need to be felt. But how do we feel the “negative” emotions in a healthier way?

We are taught to suppress but not to control. We are told our emotion is bad, but instead, our behavior is bad. It’s okay to feel angry, aggression is not. So why not teach how to channel the anger in a healthier way, other than ignore it completely?

Joy is expressed naturally, but sadness and anger are usually swallowed up until you explode, and that’s when you realize ignoring it isn’t going to solve it. Exploding on people that don’t deserve it or harming yourself are the worst ways of expressing anger, so how else can we release it?

Channel your anger into strength and self-expression

I’ve had the best workout sessions of my life when I was filled with anger, there’s something about releasing it into sweat while pushing through exercises, running, boxing and dancing. In days like this I can lift much more, do more reps and become more resistant to cardio, almost like a hidden strength awakens. Luckly, exercising releases dopamine, and midway through the workout I already feel pretty good about myself, since my attention was directed to my form, my head let go of the problems. Furthermore, while taking a cold shower after this, I have so much clarity that I even laugh at myself for making a big deal out of small things, I can see the anger was out of proportion.

Imagine the situations I could’ve avoided if I always knew how to handle it? Instead of having heated yelling debates, communicating better with a clearer mind.

Expression and art

Another way I like to deal with anger and sadness, it’s with art, consuming and creating it. Listening to sad songs and crying about it can be so relieving when you’re feeling a blockage, or loud “rage” music when you’re angry. Just relating to it makes you feel seen, like you’re not on your own with this situation, especially with old songs. Because, how can someone 20 years before I was born describe exactly what I feel? The human connection about life experiences it’s truly crazy.

Other times, writing it out or expressing in drawings it’s the best way to calm down. As you put it into the physical you get in touch with your feelings, and understand yourself better. It can be something to look back at later, sometimes when I revisit my drawings or songs, I can see what I was feeling and how far I’ve come. It becomes a personal museum.

Once you learn to change your behavior, you realize how bad it was to take it out on someone, especially since we normally take it out on who has nothing to do with the anger, like after pilling up emotions during school or work, we blow up on our family. Instead of confronting who harm us, we go after someone who we know won’t talk back, and that isn’t fair.

So, we should live life in harmony with our emotions, and expressing each and every one we feel, but in a healthy way. Suppressing isn’t right, but harming yourself and others also isn’t.

Prevent emotional explosions

The thing about anger and sadness is we only remember them once we’re feeling it. But to better navigate the emotions, we need to be prepared for them. That’s achieved by inner work and meditation, analyzing how you respond and becoming less reactive makes you more emotionally intelligent. Other than this habits, talking to someone, either a friend or a professional, can help you deal even better with the change of actions.

Life is a journey; change won’t happen overnight.

I would be a hypocrite if I said I am fully on control of my emotions and how I react to them, but just being able to be less reative 3 out of 5 times, can be life changing. Don’t label your emotions as negative, if you can express it without harm. Showing emotion isn’t a weakness, avoiding it is.